Life Wreckers and Valuable Lessons

WARNING - ANOTHER SERIOUS POST ABOUT ISSUES IN MY LIFE. If you're here for WoW goodies, go away.

So.

My boyfriend (now known as Snuggles for ease of typing) hooked up with my ex-boyfriend (now known as Satan for ease of typing) on Monday. They met through someone who I thought was a close friend of mine (now known as Idiot for ease of typing.)

Satan kissed Snuggles, and Idiot made it happen.
It sounds a lot less serious when I put it like that.

Myself and Idiot have been having some friendship issues lately in which I made her cry repeatedly because I no longer thought we got along - clearly true. So, here we have the justifications for what went down, in full glory.

Satan: "You hurt Idiot, so I'm going to tear you a new one for fun. Also, you dumped me a long time ago and I'm still suffering from it emotionally, so I'm going to tear destructive holes in your life for as long as you're stupid enough to go on allowing me. By the way, me and Idiot are best friends, and she tells me all sorts of things about you. Having fun yet? I am."

Idiot: "Oh, oopsie, I guess I did sort of ruin your life, but I didn't mean to! I guess I didn't think that giving your current boyfriend's number to your evil ex would cause problems! But...we did have that fight, so I guess maybe I wanted you to suffer a little. But it's unfair that you're cross at me. Let's be friends still and we can do the same thing in a couple of months and scar you even more, shall we?"

Snuggles (and oh boy, this one hurts the most): "I got in touch with him because I never really loved you and needed to find a way to let you down without hurting you. I guess it sort of backfired, because I ended up completely fucking up your mind, but oh well, let's be friends still anyway, kay? I expect you can just turn off the way you were feeling like a light-switch. That's a good idea. Lets hang out some time, mates, yeah?"

I'm dealing with some very immature people here, aren't I? Or this is all my fault and I'm a terrible human being. I haven't decided.

Also, opening night of production was good, by that point I was enraged rather than depressed and channeled it well. The rest of the week should be fantastic. And by the time it's all over, the pain will have eased a lot, I hope.

I'm young, I'm attractive, and I'm on stage. Fuck everything else.

Moar pix

Production Week Pre-Post.

So I suppose before production week comes rolling around I should get some stuff onto the web while I have the chance.





Auriaya one-shot by new guild . Was very win. Gratz guys. <3

Erm. I had my birthday dinner, which was rather lovely. My aunt informed me that my boyfriend was a 'spunk'. I concur, I suppose.
There was much presents. I got some moniez, a laptop (!) a voodoo doll (!) and a giant Toblerone that is almost as tall as I am. I felt rather sick after attempting to devour the majority of it.

The party was ok, but someone threw up on my floor. Again. AGAIN. Sigh. /murder
Tomorrow I have rehearsals all day. Monday I have rehearsals all day. The rest of the week - classes and production. Pressure's on.
Oh, and I have 4 achievements left on my red proto-drake. And three assignments due. And I've probably failed maths for the term because I refuse to attend such a soul-destroying class. And here I am blogging! Madness!

Look! Up in the sky! It's mentally unstable man!

You know that place you can get in where you're in a perfect void, and nothing matters but you can't be sad about it because not even your sorrow is important?
The only thing there is is a slight appreciation of the void.
It's sort of like those dreams you have, when you realise that all you are is an amusing sequence of atoms that decided to get together and have a party, and eventually they are going to stop dancing and look around and wonder what to do next, and you won't be anymore.

Even better, the feeling that your very mind is on the edge of simply bursting into the far reaches of universal truth.
There is that, isn't there? Like you're on the cusp of something but there's no motivation to push yourself over the edge?
And simply contemplating the end of your existence doesn't invoke any particular feeling in you? Where you look around and examine your life without any emotion, and you see what you are, and you simply can't summon up the will to care for it?
Our emotions in this void are immaterial. So is our intellect.
All we are, all that we were, and all that we will be will eventually belong to the void.
And sometimes that knowledge possesses us, right? And all you can do is scrabble at the keys, fuelled by god only knows, trying to get your skewed and desperate thoughts onto the screen so you stop thinking them?
Wait.
Maybe it's just me.
Fuck.

I hope I'm insane, some days. I think, better that than this being all there is.

Guilty. D:

Horde/Alliance Barrier

I have never hated this as much as I do right now.

Let me explain it.
Shutdown came at 5 o'clock this afternoon. I'm serious. WTF BLIZZ, WTF.

Erm.
Anyway.
So I turned to that sanctuary of interest, the realm forums, and lo and behold, I had an @Liriael thread. Joy.
So one thing led to another and we all got on vent and had a jolly old time for...
*checks clock* THREE AND A HALF HOURS!
And that was just randoms talking about nothing at all. And three out of the eight were Horde players.

Now Blizz. I know in-game we can't understand one another, and on PvP servers the rivalry is stoked to fever pitch. But I am a carebear. And I'm so grumpy at the fact you have given me many tools in which to communicate with my enemies. Vent servers, the forums, emotes...the fact we can roll alts...

And yet I find myself separated from some truly AWESOME people because they no speaka de Common and I'm supposed to try and kill them. And they don't want to roll alts. And I can't leave Liri, and rerolling means we have the same problem but cross-faction....

Now, I know there is no way to fix this so that everyone is happy, but it steamed me a bit, because these people are so great to have around and we're just throwing stones across a void we can't cross. :(

WTB cross-race customization. I know it wouldn't work with Loremaster and so on and so much homogenization would be needed, but STILL.
<3
Liri.

ALL TICKBIRDS WILL PERISH!

I am me.

I am me.

What knowledge this is.

I am in my house.

In my street.

In my suburb.

In my city.

In my country.

In my planet.

And I am me.

There are others.

Ephemeral.

They are but a whirl of steel, flesh, lines and lies.

And there are walls, and floors, and doors.

There is light, white light.

There is shadow, deep, deep shadow.

And the noise!

Such noise.

Clanging, banging, a bedlam all around us.

Chaos.

And you feed it, and feed it, and feed it.

And it grows. And obeys you.

And slowly descends into order.

But nothing has changed!

The lights are still bright.

The shadows still deep.

And the people around no more real.

So what is different?

Us.

What are we?

No, no.You are not real. You are but steel, flesh, lines and lies.

What am I?

I am many things. I am flesh. I am hate, and rage, and love, and life.

I am more and less.

I am me.

And soon I will not be.

When I end,

Will this false mockery of order,

This cacophony of sights, sounds, and riotous life.

Will it end too?

Or will it simply slip back to what it was?

Unsullied by my influence.

My perception.

To await my coming once more?

I do not know.

But right now.

I am me.

And my world is mine.

Persona

So I read an interesting post recently that touched on the idea of internet persona and real life personas, and it got me to thinking.
Why do people see the need to create additional personas? Why are some easier than others?
I had another disturbing thought today too.

In that world, I am a king. Why live in yours?

Now, I like to think that I'm a socially adjusted, free-thinking and intelligent human being, capable of functioning amongst my peers and exhibiting a compelling and communicative nature.
But a lot of people who play WoW aren't.
And for them, the answer is probably easy - they create these personas because they are incapable of functioning in the real world, for various reasons. Building a castle in the clouds and going to inhabit it is easier than trying to fit in, trying to follow the unwritten rules of social conduct, merely advancing in the status quo.
And so all these social sub-groups develop, because misery both loves company and victims, each with new laws and new hiarchies, in which these people can function. And everything is fine and dandy.
And don't say this isn't a fact. I've met several of these wretched creatures. So desperate to get into the little circle of firelight that is the social rat race, so pitiful. You can practically smell it on them. They use their weakness as a defence and anger fuels their cunning. They can be vicious little bastards, let me tell you.
So I'd like to think that I understand why people who cannot function in RL build themselves personas - because they have no other.
But why is it that WoW - and all internet activity - attracts people who can operate within our world day to day?
I gave it some thought, and I realised that it is far easier to be yourself online than it is anywhere else.
If you're interested in killing dragons, then there is a place with people who also like killing dragons. If you like to crunch numbers, you can do that with people. If you like being in charge of things, you can be in charge, if you like being ordered about, you can be ordered about, if you like truly horrific scenes of pornography, there's an awful lot of that too.
The point is, no matter what makes you tick, whatever aspect of social interaction you enjoy waxing lyrical about, I guarentee there is a place on the internet where you can go and talk or do it to your hearts content without all that other pesky social stuff getting in the way.
Nothing is between you and the core.
The danger arises when you want to throw yourself into that world utterly. As you spend more and more time in it, your abilities in other areas tend to decay. Especially if you never have to practice your social skills.
I spent three and a half weeks indoors playing WoW when I was sick. Being among people again immediately afterwards was a shock to my system. I couldn't wait to get back to what I had started thinking of as my world.
And that's a dangerous road to go down, but also an understandable one, I think.
The downside to all of this is to get what people really need - warmth, touch (I'm a physical contact junkie), face to face communication, all that jazz - you can't throw yourself into a persona that allows you to strip away your extremeties and let loose your core.
Not all the time, anyway.

Picture of self for linkage purposes

Picture of myself for linkage purposes. You never know when you want to show people online what you look like!

(That came out far susser than I intended).

Another MASSIVE group of people I play with.

Alright, so I chased up the final lot of people I wanted on this blog, and that's IT!
Bre isn't on here, and so are a myriad of other people who I quite like, but it takes up so much time getting you all on here.
So, let's get the last lot out of the way, shall we?
This is Baest
Baest is the resident lolsbian of Nagrand and is, well, pretty spiffy. She is the yin to my faggoty yang. She also drags me into 10 man runs that, on the whole, work out rather well.
She also assaults me in trade with a strap-on. Ah, the purity of our love. 0.o
Next!


This is Pherox.
Another Draenei Fury Warrior! I do tend to keep them around. Pherox is another RL friend, and looks somewhat awesome when swinging around his maces. Moar mount farming needed though!
Also, don't ask him to tank H AN. He stands in pound. <3
Next!

This is Euryales
Or, to be more specific, this is Euryales in his resto gear, which means he's been healing. Which is lol. Euryales was my old GM in Celerity along with Winkee, and a finer, more upstanding gentleman you couldn't ask for. What he's doing in Simplicity I'll never know. :P
Again, more draenei!


This is Kreesha
And, if I'm not mistaken, Gradhan behind her, who is an alt of another old friend. I know everyone! 0.o
Kreesha is another achivement whore and to my knowledge is the only person who has followed this blog devoutly since conception. She sends me a lovely email after each post, and the awesome of her is only accented by the stalker-ish behaviour. <3>
Next!

This is Fung.
Or to be more specific, Fucked Up Name Guy. He used to be named Hyonmaru or something godawful before he got the name change to what we were all calling him.
He used to be a paladin called Tibarn before the DK came around.
He's an old mate now, a bit odd in the head, but what the hell. WTB less mother aggro so he can play more.

What else we got...?

This is Lethalock.
Lethalock is another of those lovely chaps from Ryuu (Love Ryuu!) who seems to live in IF. Always nice to get a whisper from.

This is a random person in CoT who stole my character name.

And, alright, alright, we have one more person.

This is Ano.

Ano pestered me constantly about this blog. There, you're on it! HAPPY NOW?!

Ano tanks old world bosses (to my amusement) rides around on a turtle/deathcharger/blue proto-drake (to my jealousy) and should probably do less Naxxramas. Kthx.

That about sums up the vast majority of the people I play with. Finally, I can let this die! It was a fun adventure for a while, but no more chasing people for screenies!

<3

Liri.