Ramblings

Giggle,
snort,
cavort.

I'm a little lost, but that's alright, isn't it? Something I've noticed that's pretty universal to humankind is this penchant to walk everywhere as if they know where they're going. The stride varies but there's always this sense of purpose that I find kind of baffling, this vibe of right, when I get there I'm going to do this, and when that's done that frees up the time to do this other thing, and I have it all figured out and when we don't have that drive behind us we fake it.

Nobody just ambles around and smiles at the world and takes their time with things unless they're drunk or high, so why not be drunk and high? Is that drive to stride around the place really so essential? It gets a lot done, sure...
Sure. No, I accept that.

But you're not going to find yourself miles from home arm in arm with a stranger like that, are you? You're not going to see the walls close in and close off your breathing, you're not going to hear the clouds sing, you're not going to smell something so sweet and so pure that it reduces you to your knees, you're not going to shout out loud for the hell of it, your body pushed to a limit, your mind reeling in a thousand different directions. Follow the programming and you'll receive the programmed reward. What if I were programmed wrong? Or subverted somehow? What if everybody was? This is probably circular stoner logic, and the messed up thing is I'm not even high.

Giggle,
snort,
cavort.

I really like those three words. We all just want to be happy. For me, for now, happiness is rolled up and smoked. It's nights where I don't have to dream about the times other people's programming made them do things they didn't want to do. It's nights where I don't have to think about where my programming is taking me. It's nights where I can look at the stars and realize that I'm completely lost, and the wonderful thing about being lost, right, the really wonderful thing is that nobody can fucking find you when you're lost.

It'd be nice to not be found and to find something there. That'd belong to me and it wouldn't be tainted by anything.

Giggle,
snort,
cavort.

I should probably sleep.