That night, I felt like I'd become something treasured - different.
I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, mentally. Don't get me wrong, not one of those OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE ALL IS LOST THE HOUSE OF CARDS IS TUMBLING DOWN messes. I'm not in a high angst posting mood. Rather, I'm disorganised. I'm finding it hard to think. In fact I don't want to think. It's one of those 'Oh, my brain is doing that thing again, what a bore' messes.
And there is a boy offering to tell me a story, and a girl who is too tired to write about her own death, and a childhood cartoon being horrendously, horrendously destroyed, and I'm not quite sure what to make of the whole mess. So I'm sitting here, in the dark - well, the light is on.
Let me fix that.
Okay, now I'm sitting here in the dark listening to Flyleaf. This is becoming a recurring habit. Flyleaf has replaced sex. It has been about two weeks since I last had any sexual contact. I am unsure how I am coping. Tomorrow I am going to my university and deciding how the rest of my life is going to be, forever. I am again unsure how I am coping. In fact I'm not really sure of anything anymore, so I'm going to write and then probably go to bed and hope that this malaise passes. Oh, angst! I'm laughable some nights. Anyway. Writing stuff. Flyleaf lyrics keep seeping in. Oh well, let's start with one.
Her death has been swallowed up by life.
She was someone's daughter,
She was someone's wife.
The world keeps on turning as she turns in her grave,
The tide hugs the shore and her voice is the waves.
From the moment of birth, from the moment to rise,
She knew of her death, and she knew it was lies.
For what hope for the rot when grain grows in sun?
Rising to life, her new life has begun.
Her light has been swallowed up by night.
She wasn't mistaken,
But nor was she right.
She lies in the ground and her flesh fades away,
But the life she surrenders is reaching for day.
At least, so they say.
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2 comments:
Must say: best song ever. :D
I don't know, Joel - how do you cope with being a self-entitled middle-class heterosexual white boy in one of the luckiest countries on earth who alternates between raging at everyone who he considers beneath his level and then raging at himself?
To coin a phrase that you endlessly, ENDLESSLY use from your blog posts, this is my blog and I can write what I want - though unlike you I don't feel the need to endlessly repeat this until someone confronts me about my content. As you have done. And you can consider this me telilng you to shut the fuck up. I am in no mood for anyone's snarky, sarcastic shit, so run along and write another post about how the world is unfair and nobody understands your vision or something.
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