calm

New philosophy: calm.

Embrace the sleepless nights. You've had them all your life, and they don't hurt you, not really. Not when the world is twisted up all strange and you're granted those hours in solitude and darkness to deconstruct the myriad gleams and glitters of an indescribably complex day.

Embrace that urge to escape, but don't act on it in a frenzy, tapping into fight or flight quickly, lazily. Breathe. Accept that you want toxins. When you are calm, you are strong, even when you're weak. Have some tea. Grilled cheese in the small hours. Have a joint if you must and do not guilt yourself. Be calm and trust that you'll need them less when you're calm.

Take your pills and don't feel bad about them, either. They help, so let them.

Accept change, especially in people. You've come from giddying highs, manias. Dwelling too long on what might have been is poison. Hold no grudges, especially when you understand. Don't take any unnecessary stress, and distance yourself from unnecessary conflict.  Good things, new things, have already started happening.

University starts again next week. Gonna try 'calm' for a while.