Two Minute Hate

Title blatantly stolen from 1984. I'm going to try something a little different this time. I'm going to indulge that little voice in my brain that says 'YOU SUCK' and write out everything it has to say. This will make me feel better. Or something.

I am incapable of leading a raid. It is impossible to command respect from your raiders. The fact that you have come to regard raiding as a tiresome chore is a symptom that you are unsuited to the task. When the raid fails, you have failed. You put it together, and every setback, every screw-up, every idiot move and idiot accident and broken gear in your machine is your fault and your fault alone. You are to blame and they all know it, and when they fuck things up you need to pick up the pieces with a fucking smile. This frustration is frustration at YOUR failure.

You are selfish. Sure, in some fantasy world you're entitled to ask for more. You justify this by saying you put more in, and you did more work, and you ran things and now it is time for you to get something. Well, you're a cunt. You're not the only one who works hard on things, and you seem to think you deserve more? They trust you to make the choices and every so often you make a conceited one. This makes you a terrible person.

You will never survive in Melbourne. You can't even run your own body in this cocoon environment you live in! How on earth do you expect to fend for yourself? You'll be eaten alive, and you know it. There comes a time when everyone must stand alone and fend for themselves and you are far too weak to pull that off. There's no point. You're just going to disappoint and vindicate everyone.

This study is all too much for you. What the hell do you know about self-discipline? Absolutely nothing, that's what. Now you have to actually knuckle down and get some fucking work done and your brain shuts down! University is going to kick the shit out of you. You haven't a hope in hell with your commitment. Resign yourself to a shit job for shit people, because you are shit.

Who exactly do you think you are, staring at them like you do? They aren't going to look back. Well, actually, that's a lie. He looked back today, didn't he? Probably confused as to why you were fucking staring at him like a piece of meat. You repress this shit for a reason - because you are fucked up. Your feelings aren't natural and society hates you for them, so keep them under fucking wraps and for god's sakes stop fucking staring at them, you idiot. You'll get your head kicked in and then you'll have even less chance of attracting the only thing you can - degenerates like yourself with personalities like sandpaper.

Nobody in Canberra gives a shit about you and when you leave, nobody will care.

God doesn't exist and this is the only shot you have at things.

Someone somewhere is being cruel to a kitten.

You are very cold.

I feel better already.