It's midnight. I'm writing. I don't do this enough. I need to do it more.
Anyway. I have this little thing buzzing, buzzing, buzzing through my head. I remember reading something, somewhere, that someone agreed with. In it they drew a graph. And they plotted a story on this graph - Snow White, I think it may have been. And they showed how in the story, she goes from extreme happiness, to extreme sadness, to extreme happiness again, and it was all on this graph, nice and neat, how she went from extreme to extreme.
And then there was a second graph, and they showed the normal human being's life, and how it was just really one big straight line. No major ups, no major downs.
And they went on to explain that because we had been brought up on stories like Snow White, where everything is done in such extremes, that we feel that we need to fill our lives with drama, that we need to express our emotions, and thus we tend to fill our lives with drama that does not exist, so that we can live up to these story expectations and the whole overtone was how ridiculous and childish that was.
And I gotta say, looking around at the way people react to things, I agree with that wholeheartedly - but the catch is, that doesn't apply to me.
You look at people's updates on Facebook, on blogs, little spiels in reality, everywhere and anywhere, and you'll see some sort of strong emotional overtone. Elation, anger, sorrow, desire - all these things manifest so strongly, so ridiculously, in every aspect of what people around you do. The real amusing part is you witness it - for the sake of example, someone's enraged, contemptful rant on Facebook at someone else who is equally enraged and contemptful - and you think to yourself, "How overly emotional of them. It's not like all this stuff really matters as much as they think it does. If only they would think about it, it isn't that big a deal." You look at everyone else's little concerns, little hookups, little passions and little sorrows and you think "How very foolish of them. It's all so obvious." But the thing is, you can't apply it to yourself!
Hell, I need to look no further than a few of these blog posts to realise that I'm not always the level-headed individual that I make myself out to be - and yet every single one of those blog posts comes from a place that I can recognise and respect. Every single one of those emotionally charged posts comes from a place I can justify, a place that's important to me, a place that was unavoidable and needed to be expressed.
Everyone is really good at judging themselves kindly, but not very good at applying that judgement to others in the same manner.
Or perhaps it's just me.
I need to sleep.
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2 comments:
Times of true self reflection, where one examines oneself without the filters of their own preconceptions, are exceedingly rare, perhaps even only found on the deathbed in those fleeting final moments of life.
Ask yourself now "What do I want?"
Then "Why haven't I {insert appropriate past-tense verb here} that already?"
And finally, "Years from now, when I lie dying in my bed, will those reasons be enough justification to soothe my regret?"
So far, invariably, my answer to question 3 has always been "No." The answers have lead me to an ongoing relationship (what, five years now?), a black belt, a career change, moving from one end of the country to another, and it's anyone's guess as to what next...
But before I do anything else, I have to go write an angry Facebook post over some perceived slight or injustice.
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