I Hate My Gender But Yours is Worse

flesh crawl, alcohol,

will not wait a million years,

not right genitals!

time to switch the body's gears,

rough ride, come inside,

strip your bones of all those fears,

soul sell, empty hall,

they have their eyes but have no ears

i will be reborn.

we cower in thousands of corners.

thin-thought, bold court,

on the brink of what you wrought.

there is no place for those like me

no man or woman destiny

no place for gender binary

so come! come!

let us be free!

let us drum out the ghosts that we

fought into the ground as quietly

as desperate kids could - and I agree

that everything's coming apart

this isn't art

this is what happens when conservatives fart

and force us to live in the cloud

living it loud

and nobody ever says 'what's that smell'?

it's practically hell!

but eventually somebody rings the bell!

times us out

thin-thought, bold court

on the brink of what you wrought

tired out warriors from the fight,

heading out backwards into the night

so as not to turn our backs on foes

and nobody knows

where we head off to to lick our wound.

and madness might bloom,

- but it isn't more mad than having to pretend -

- but we have changed and change again -

and nobody's friend

and it is a slaughter

so we cower in corners.

nobody's son, nobody's daughter

and we will be reborn.

Ninety Degree Angels

Like a fire sent from Heaven and then pissed upon all day.

I saw what made me real.

It wasn't lack of dignity that made it so dramatic.

It was just that I didn't get a say.

I'm gonna change the world another day.

For now I'll hide my face away.

And there's no way that you can tell me,

that I will belong.

A life shackled upwards,

Every time.

Keep your eyes skyward.

Form a rhyme.

You won't have to see them,

as you crush them underfoot.

There's no room to climb.

I am afraid and I don't know how not to be.

I smoke too much and see things that I am not supposed to see.

And there's a way to escape,

there's a way to be a true machine.

I guess I can't be sure of what I mean.

But I do know what to say.

"There's people on the silver screen that tell you what to feel,

And lies are lies and truths are truths and both of them are real,

Illusions can kill and healing can thrill,

and you are falling,

and I will not be able to interfere."

Like a stone dropped from Heaven, just to watch the impact.

I saw what made you real.

It wasn't lack of foresight that made it so dramatic.

It was just that I couldn't simply melt away.

Like the one you fell for yesterday.

And you know that there's no point, but pray.

You know it does no good, but

God might not listen, anyway.

This isn't real, not for long;

I have to be weak; so I can be strong.

And there's no way,

to say that I'll belong.

Here I Am

Stir, shudder, jerk awake.

I cannot be found.
I cannot be found and here I am.
I have been termed mistake.
But that's all in the past and here I am.
Here I am.
I cannot be found.

And nothing fell apart whilst I had slept!
Though sorrow into signals softly crept,
And I found that I could sleep no more.
Here I am.
Here I am.
I cannot be found.

There's no one left to find.
Nobody left, shadows lift,
The constructs only linger in my mind.
Here I am,
here I am.
My heart and soul a rift.

I had no voice,
I had no voice,
and for a time I did rejoice.
I was for the taking,
the world was for the shaking,
and nothing wasn't a result of choice.

Here I am,
Here I am.
I have found my voice.
And yet it rusts,
orange-red in the moonlight,
spilling out
for ears long since closed
wrong in repose
but right for shaking shadows I don't trust.

I have seen such things, whilst I slumbered.
Whilst my fleshy body softly lumbered
About the business of presumption
Without the cleansing touch of gumption,
and thus it all decayed.
I was borne away.
Perhaps I assumed that everybody went this way.

But still I linger.
In the places that are at once familiar,
and echoes.

and though your eyes may never fall this way again,
(though they rove through cybernetic halls)
and I am not in danger of the hunt,
I feel a need to buttress up with lies.
I know that we expected me to fall,
I know that we expected life to call,
I-
I-
I...don't know what I expected at all.

I live here, with the shadow of who you were.